L'Ingenu

L'Ingenu is another work by Voltaire. I have not read it yet, but I heard about a humerous story in it.

An American Indian comes to Europe and becomes a Catholic. He is getting lots of advice on how to be a good Catholic. Someone tells him that the book of James says that a person should confess his sins, so the Indian, eager to do the right thing, goes to confess.

After he tells all of his sins to the priest in the confessional booth, he hops out and yanks the door open to the priest's booth. He hauls out the priest and seats him in the confessional booth. The Indian then leaps into the priest's booth and sits down. The priest, confused and disheveled, says, "What are you doing?!"

The Indian replies, "Saint James says, 'Confess your faults one to another.' I have confessed to you; now you are going to confess to me."

Knowledgeable

The addict knows,

The guy I saw asleep beneath past days news knows,

The lady, needle sharing, partner sharing, lady,
now near her end on white sheets knows,

The girl now knows,
The girl who heard the words
"Forever," "always," "true," and "love"
From lips that spoke them countless times before,
Who now has just a memory the night left and
A woman's clinic receipt of payment,

The boy too knows,
Whose pa buys bargain beers
And having neither punching bag nor wife
Gives his boy reminders, blue and black on pale skin,
To stay away from Dad on drinking days,

I well know too
that it "brings forth death."

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This is a draft of a poem that I am working on. I have been meaning to post it for a long time, but have had no time to revise it. I decided just to post it as is rather than to keep waiting.

Candide

I am currently reading Candide by Voltaire. It is about a young boy, Candide, and his tutor, Pangloss. Pangloss has a conviction that all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds. No matter what happens, Pangloss declares that it is for the best and that this is the best of all possible situations because it is the situation that is. Candide adores his philosopher/tutor and takes Pangloss theory as firm truth until, that is, he encounters horrible troubles in his life and begins to doubt it. The book is short, an easy read and funny.

Here is one of my favorite lines. Candide and Pangloss are going on a voyage along with an Anabaptist named James.

"On the voyage, Pangloss explained to James the perfection of the scheme of things. James disagreed: 'Men must have deviated somewhat from their original innocence,' he said. 'They were not born wolves, but they are become wolves. God did not give them twenty-four pounders nor bayonets, but they have made these things for their own destruction. I might also speak of bankruptcies, and the law which seizes upon the property of bankrupts solely in order to keep it from the creditors.'

"'All that had to be,' replied [Pangloss]. 'Private ills make up the general good. It therefore follows that, the more numerous the private ills, the greater the general good.'

The Little One

Probably most of you know my news by now, but for those who don't: My wife is pregnant.

Just Thursday we went to a doctor to have the three month checkup. This time we went to a new hospital, and the visit went well. We felt very comfortable there because the building was nice and clean, the doctors seemed to know what they were doing (they doubtless take a lot of care to cultivate that image) and the workers there were all friendly.

We had the first ultrasound, or at least the first one in which we could recognize the baby. Now before seeing the baby in the ultrasound I didn't think I would write something about it here because the experience can never really be related in words except perhaps to those who have experienced it themselves. I also thought that I would never, never post that little ultrasound picture on the Internet, so that everyone can squint and say, "What is that?" I always felt that all ultrasounds of little infants in the womb looked like grainy pictures of peanuts.

However when that little peanut happens to be your baby, the whole thing changes. My wife and myself were excited beyond words to see that little one for the first time. I had thought that the tiny guy would not be recognizable at all as a baby, but actually it was very clear. We saw his (I say "he" in the general sense, not knowing the gender of the child) head, body, arms, legs and even backbone. We even saw his heart beating (at least that's what the doctor said it was). He moved several times during the ultrasound. For the first time he seemed like a real guy.

When the nurse first turned the machine on, I saw the infant clearly. A moment later they turned on the screen for my wife to look at. She didn't recognize it at first, but when she did she gasped. She covered her mouth and giggled. She said, "It never seemed real until now!" She was amazed. I enjoyed watching her enjoyment of it as much as I enjoyed seeing the image myself.

Later as we were walking to catch a bus, she was talking excitedly on the phone to her parents. As she talked, she used animated gestures. She was telling them about how we could see each leg separately, and she held her fingers up and made a scissors motion with her fingers to show "separately." They asked her a question, and she said, "yes," nodding her head with a shining smile. She told them, "We saw him put his hand on his head!" and she put her hand on her head. I was the only one that got to enjoy these gestures.

The hospital gave us a printout of the ultrasound picture, and true to the long tradition of ultrasound operators, the picture they gave us resembled a peanut.
















When my sister sent me a picture of the ultrasound of her first child, I wrote out a little bit of doggerel.

The sonograms show my sister's sweet fruit
In a pillowed pouch with a humble mein.
This precious infant whom they say is cute
Looks to me like a human lima bean.

Bad Egg

I was making eggs and potatoes for my wife just now. I had finished frying the potatoes and went to put in the eggs. The first egg was beautiful with a brilliant yellow yolk.

The second egg was putrid, all watery and disgusting, and it splattered all over the pan. The yolk was black and clumpy. The smell was horrible, making the whole house reek. As I was dumping it into the garbage can I was almost vomiting because the smell was so sharp and so horrible.

But then it struck me that the smell of the stinky egg is really exactly the same as the smell of stinky tofu, a common food here. It came to me secondly that I have eaten stinky tofu several times and never vomited while eating it.

Eating stinky tofu is a strange thing to do now that I think about it. When ever people eat it together they always close the jar tightly when they are not taking some so as to avoid making the room stink. Why put something into your mouth that you don't want filling the room with its fragrance?

Further, this experience made me think of another thing. The stinky egg smelled the same as stinky tofu, so would I slurp up a rotten egg if someone told me it was edible?